Don’t worry about your life.
3.5 minute read
Does anyone else feel like you cannot escape the sounds of a leaf blower from March to November?
Outside my house: leaf blower.
Grocery store: leaf blower.
Carpool line: leaf blower.
I kinda feel like my sin is a leaf blower too. It’s loud and in my face, even (especially) when I’m trying to avoid it.
Presently, my sin keeps showing up like Green Tree Landscaping Co. every time we go to the ballpark to watch Field play baseball.
It’s no secret I love sports. I loveeee them. Too much. I spent the majority of my childhood in a gymnastics meet or on a volleyball court, so one could say it’s natural for me to hope my child enjoys them as well. This desire for Field’s enjoyment of sports turns sinful when I get fearful he won’t excel in a sport and/or won’t find his “thing” on the court or field (pun intended) somewhere. This does not mean he can’t find his thing outside of a hoop or bat or end zone – it just means it might be harder for me to relate to, and that scares me a little.
In sum: My desire for Field to enjoy sports gets sinful when it becomes about me. Imagine that.
Field is young for his baseball team, and on top of that, he’s always been a late bloomer physically. He didn’t walk until 17 months, he got down on all fours to go up and down the 2 stairs in our backyard until he was almost 3, and more recently, he could not would not eat green eggs & ham or swim or ride a bike until he turned 6.
That said, once he learns (decides) how to do these things, he’s all in.
He is slow and steady.
I know this, but for some reason I forget it when it comes to sports, and I am a wreck each time he goes up to the plate.
I ring my hands. I can hardly watch, but I also can’t bear to miss it. He told me last weekend to stop saying so many things when he walks up to the plate, but I’m allowed to say “Go Field! Smack that ball!”
So I say it.
Then I whisper to myself “Back up Field. Be ready. Watch the ball. Swing for the fences. Remember what you’ve practiced. Hit like you hit in the cages. Flashlight. Grip. Be early. You can do this!!!!”
Most times… he strikes out. He sags his head, he kicks the dirt, and one super fun time, he turned and yelled into the stands on his way back to the dugout, “WHY’D YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?!” which resulted in my aforementioned limited walk-up vocabulary allowance.
All this to say, he still runs full speed to the batter’s box each time it’s his turn to bat. He smacks the plate with his bat at least 4 times. He is so ready. He is so eager. He wants to hit that ball so badly.
And sometimes he does!
And on those times you better believe this cray-cray is jumping so high her dress is likely revealing granny panties to the stands as I wave my arms and scream for him.
Even still, on the times after he sees the ump pump his fist to signal a strikeout, he keeps running full speed to his next at-bat.
Ready. Eager. Willing.
And really… that’s what we’re called to be in our walk with Jesus.
We’re also called to be perfect and holy and sinless, yet God knows this is impossible. Christ is the blueprint, and He is the sacrifice that made us even able to attempt to imitate Him. We cannot be perfect, but He was, is, and forever will be in our stead.
So with this holy sacrifice on our behalf in mind, we’re ready, eager and willing to let Him lead us onto His path toward holiness.
I have to remember this when the sin creeps in watching Field play and I start to worry he won’t find his “thing”, worry people don’t want him on the team because he’s young and strikes out, worry he won’t have friends if he doesn’t play sports - aka the worry spiral.
I then double down on my sin when I beat myself up for fearing so much. For being so emotionally invested. He’s SIX for crying out loud! I know these things (largely because my very practical husband responds with, “He’s 6.” anytime I get all nimbly-bimbly)… yet I still do them.
I am trying so hard to trust what I believe the Holy Spirit told me while watching a basketball game earlier this year as I gnawed on my cheek wondering if Field would ever go after the ball when I heard: I am not messing up with Field. I am trying so hard to trust Him and just enjoy watching Field learn, but I get all in my head sometimes.
Does this ever happen to you? You try so hard to not do or be a particular way… and then you do it?
It also happened to Paul.
Romans 7:14-25
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Sometimes the consistency of our sin can be disheartening. Even something as sneaky and “acceptable” as worrying over your (or your child’s) future is the opposite of trusting God, and therefore… it’s a sin, and it’s a wormhole for more of Satan’s schemes.
While it for sure sounds impossible to stop worrying all the time, we remember ALL things are possible with God. As we regroup and reset to stop letting worry be the wet blanket we carry around like Linus, we can pray for a willing spirit to shed it. We can pray for the Holy Spirit to take our hearts and mold them to His. We can pray for the willingness to believe His word even when we don’t, we can pray for the willingness to trust Him when we cannot, and we can pray for the willingness to obey Him even when faced with the the temptation to worry – and we do this over and over and over again. This is a muscle we keep exercising that will never be perfect, but it will get stronger.
We will fail. We will miss. We will strikeout.
And even deeper than the unconditional love I have for Field when he strikes out, so much more does your Heavenly Father love you too when you swing and miss out on trusting Him.
When this happens, all we have to do is run back up to that plate like Field Man. Ready, Eager, and Willing to try again and trust Him!
The more at-bats we have, the more we exercise the choice to TRUST Him.
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Note: I typically write on Fridays, edit on Saturdays, and 9 times out of 10, the sermon on Sunday correlates with what I’ve written. It’s the sweetest love note from the Father. Our sermon today was on Anxiety. I can imagine many of you were hoping for some more concrete ways to fight the worry spiral in this post, but I must admit: It’s an ongoing struggle for me, and I really am walking in it rather than sitting on the other side with a whole bunch of wisdom for you. So for me and where I am right now, my prayer is simply to be willing to fully trust Him. If you would like more applicable and scriptural tips, I highly recommend digging into the sermon titled Escaping Anxiety linked here!
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Father God, we are powerless over our sin, but You are not. Will you help quiet our minds from worry this week? Will you remind us of the choice we have to trust you when the familiar worry starts to overwhelm us? When we are weak, then we are strong because of Your Holy Power in us! God pour out protection as we approach the throne of grace this week, ready, eager and willing to TRUST YOU more with the blessing of Your help to do so! Will you, in your lovingkindness, reveal personal ways to us this week how much you care for us and how much you are not messing up? In your Son’s perfect name we pray, amen.
Suggested Scripture for This Week:
S/M: Matthew 6:25-34
T: Proverbs 3:5-6
W: Psalm 16:11
Th: 2 Corinthians 12:9
F: 1 Peter 5:7
S: Romans 15:13