I’m not taking him to the airport!

4 minute read

If you’ve ever flown with me, you know I’m impatient.

So impatient, I honestly don’t know if a snottier version of myself exists outside the walls of a commercial airport because Airport Mary Clay has absolutely no grace to give.

She fresh out, y’all.

A glimpse into my headspace this morning in the airport:

Why does the AA desk attendant keep looking at me, but she won’t call me forward? The lines are so long, why are the TSA people just chatting it up? Why does this Starbuck’s line wrap around the entire terminal? Why on God’s green earth do we need to taxi for AN HOUR to take off? Why are there 11ty billion planes in line for the runway? What business school bozo scheduled this?!

Everyone is too slow. Everyone is inefficient. My problems are everyone else’s fault.

I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now! (said in the voice of Captain Hook, of course).

In sum, I am consistently baffled at how gross I can be in an airport.

Most of these thoughts stay in my head, but Crawford typically gets the pleasure of witnessing the boil over of the ones I simply cannot keep in there, and I know he’s thinking the same thing I am thinking when they come out of my mouth …

IS SHE REALLY DOING THIS AGAIN?

Once we’re in the air, I typically come tail between my legs and say, “I’m sorry. I am so embarrassed I acted like that.”

Today however, I didn’t apologize to Crawford.

You know why?

Because it’s an empty apology, and we both know it. Yes, I’m sorry, but there’s really no repentance or heart change. I know God can do and change anything, but history has shown I’m a grumbling butt munch until I’m in the air or on the other side of the entire airport/plane experience for so long, I think I need a different approach.

That is why, from today forward, my solution is to only fly privately.

Lol. Man I wish. I remember as a young girl, I announced to my family with blessed assurance, When I grow up, I will happily live in a small, rented apartment for the rest of my life to have a private plane.

While my apartment+PJ plan has not yet come to fruition, I do think I’m finally making a little – small – tiny – step forward in this butt munch behavior with a new way of looking at it, because it appears I am simply focusing on the wrong thing. 

Rather than agonizing over why why whyyyyy do I act this, I’m feeling led to shift focus off of myself and this sin.

Gasp. You read that right. The girl who loves to look at sins and borderline prides herself on being able to see them is currently strumming a new tune, and it’s largely thanks to the Lord using my husband as the mouthpiece for this message:

Stop looking at yourself. Start looking at the cross.

Said scripturally in Colossians 3: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Said by theologian Robert Murray McCheyne, “Do not take up your time so much with studying your own heart as with studying Christ’s heart. For one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ.”

For one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ.

If this ratio is the goal, I think it’s safe to say I live in The Backwards Land of Upside Down World, and I’m the Mayor. Even some of my most well-intended deep dives into the deconstruction of my sin have been warped into a black hole of self. I’m not saying take a perpetual holiday from confessing your sins – def don’t do that – but I am saying confess it, pray for a repentant heart, and then shift the focus to Him so He can work to rewire the heart and the mind.

All of this over-explanation ^ means that while my internal dialogue and some of my outward grumblings didn’t change today at the airport, my response to them did:

I confessed to the Lord that I just cannot beat this level of Mary Clay’s Airport Game, and upon receiving His forgiveness, I asked Him to help me shift my focus onto Him.

That simple. No wallowing. No self-examination. No empty apology to Gup.

And do you know what He did? in His loving-kindness, He helped me shift focus onto Him in a way I didn’t even realize until I was in the middle of it.

Here’s how:

I brought my prayer journal with me on this trip because I was hoping to write on the plane, and I make a lot of notes about prompts and thoughts while journaling during my morning quiet time. With the intention of thumbing through my prayer journal to find the list of thoughts to coincide with this post, I was led to start at the beginning of this particular journal and go through previous prayers. This prayer journal started in May of this year when I was reading through Joshua, and because I follow the FEAST method when I study, it was easy to find the circled F at the beginning of each study. (For those who might not know, F stands for Focus on Who God Is when reading scripture, and you can read more about the FEAST method here).

In combing through several of the F’s, aka who I’ve learned He is over the past several months through scripture, the one I consistently wrote down was Promise Keeper. 

In Joshua He promises a whole lot of things, and y’all, He keeps them.

Not one of all the LORD’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled. Joshua 21:45

And if this attribute of God as being a Promise Keeper is true, which the very basis of my faith stands upon it being true, this means we can fully trust Him with our salvation, and with where He tells us to set our minds and our focus. Which is not on things of this world (aka on me in my flesh!), but on things that are lovely and pure and true and good.

Said more specifically in Philippians 4, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

If we view this text in the light of being our promise keeper, it must be because He promises shifting toward this way of thinking will benefit us in the long run… while simultaneously bringing glory to Him.

So which of these is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy?

A) God
B) Jesus
C) The Holy Spirit
D) Creation
E) Family
F) Friends
G) Blessings
H) Fruits of the Spirit
I) Grace
J) Mercy
K) All of the above and more

You know the answer don’t you? Well done. Do you know what else I think could fit on this list? Suffering. Because I can almost guarantee you there are periods of past suffering that have come out beautifully on the other side. Don’t forget those! And if you’re in a current season of suffering, reflecting on all of these will help you to be constantly renewed by the Spirit of your mind.

Admittedly, this thinking is not easy for me. It is a true rewire for me to shift focus off of myself and hard things a lot of the time. 

I’ve mentioned this before, but when I seem to be stuck in a thought pattern or an unhealthy behavior, a friend challenged me to start using my competitive nature against Satan and his schemes and see what happens. With this in mind, I stop and think how much he must love me sitting and focusing on self, and this motivates me to shift perspective to God and His goodness. 

It’s a daily, minute by minute death, and I can assure you I fail more than I succeed (case and point Airport Mary Clay), but you know what? By forcing myself to shift focus onto what is good and true and lovely, I’m actually encouraged by this most recent airport experience because I can tell it’s at least 1 degree out of Butt Munch Land.

And I think we can all celebrate that.

Father God - you know. You already know it all before and behind every circumstance, and you’re still here. Thank you. Father we need you to help us shift our thought life to glorify you. In this world it’s so much easier to be negative and self consumed. In fact, it’s welcome! But God we are not of this world. We are foreigners passing through. Salt and light. We need to look different! If anyone reading this has a mental tendency or deep ruts of patterned thinking like I do, let this be the day they start to shift. Make it 1 degree. Then 2. Then on and on until whatever hang-ups of self-focus and grumbling start to lift up and outta there. You can do anything Lord! Help us remember this and trust you with our moments. All of them! In Jesus name, amen.

Suggested Weekly Scripture

S/M: Colossians 3:1-17; What are “things above”?

T: Joshua 21:45; Make a list of God’s promises you believe to be true.

W: Philippians 4:4-7; What do you have to rejoice about right this moment?

Th: Philippians 4:8-9; Work through the multiple choice above and write something to correspond with each one.

F: Ephesians 4:20-22; What are some old self thought patterns He can help you rewire?

S: Ephesians 4:23-25; What does it means to be renewed in the spirit of your mind?