Is jealousy the antithesis of wisdom?

3 minute read

“She’s just jealous of you.”

How many daughters out there have heard your mom say this when a girl is mean to you? How many of you brushed it off and didn’t think that could possibly be the reason? What if I told you it’s almost always the reason, and yo’ momma was right?!

The titles above the forthcoming stanza in my Bible say:

Genuine Wisdom
True Wisdom Comes from God

Talk about a tagline! Let’s read the passage first and then talk about what the heck wisdom has to do with jealousy because I think you’ll be just as intrigued as I am.

James 3:13-17

If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 

Now the fun part: I get to talk about a time I was so jealous I couldn’t see straight. 

My sister (aka sissy) is the best ever EVER. The Saucier (pronounced So-shay ;) genes are strong, and we very much look alike, sound alike (on the phone you likely cannot tell the difference), and our sense of humor is right in line with each other’s. That said, Allie’s always been the funnier one and the smarter one. She graduated SigmaCumLadidadidada Bladibloo (and I obviously did not), and she’s a Nurse Practitioner who teaches at conferences all over the place and is an all around badass. To her smart and funny, I’ve typically been the athletic and creative sister.

As I write this out, I’m reminded of how easily we can “type” siblings, and I’m also reminded of my wise friend Sara telling me she learned through a podcast that typing siblings only leads to sibling rivalry. I’m for sure keeping this in mind for our own kiddos! That said, I wouldn’t say Allie and I had much sibling rivalry - we did have some gnarly fights in the hallway over clothes though - but because we each kinda had our boxes to fit in, I didn’t feel like there was much crossover.

Until this past summer.

Because we live 5 states away from each other, we don't see each other more than 1-2 times per year. We talk all the time so there’s no time lost, but actual flesh and blood facetime doesn’t happen that often. I hadn’t seen her since the previous Thanksgiving and this was now August. 

Without so much as a casual mention on the phone once or twice, Allie had been humbly working her butt off (quite literally because the old one fell off to become a very cute, very small buttox) for the past 9 months, and she looked incredible. Outwardly I smiled and complemented. Inwardly, I wanted to hide in a hole wallpapered in spite and jealousy. 

If she’s now the tiny, toned athletic one… where do I fit? Do I still matter?

Rather than dissecting my skewed, fleshly version of what makes a person matter because that’s clearly another topic for another day and is loosely discussed here, I’ll tell you all the wrong ways I handled this.

Misstep A#1, I made it alllll about myself. I was mean. I was on edge. I was smiling (if you know me, you know my fake smiles look just like fake smiles so I really wasn’t fooling anyone) while internally boiling into a jealous rage. I picked petty fights and most of all, I got self-righteous and began to behave like I knew better. Not your typical older sister “know better” either, but honestly making sh*t up and over-exaggerating issues that really didn’t have merit or need to be discussed. I’m withholding some of the things I said and did because I really don’t fully remember them, but l do know it was not Holy Spirit-led me, but very sinful, fleshly, scary me.

A couple months passed, and we barely talked. Niceties here and there, but nothing worthwhile. Finally she brought up how much I’d hurt her, and I cannot divulge all of that convo here because it still hurts me that I hurt her. In the convo though, I was finally honest and told her how friggin’ jealous I was. I begged for forgiveness and grace, and I tried to explain without making it all about me that really deep beneath the jealousy was a fear I didn't know how to act anymore because it felt like she didn’t need me. Again, why you would need someone is not wrapped up in how they look or measure up, but I think we can all agree that in our sin, we’re looking at what my wise friend Caroline calls “stats” when we stand next to another person. This can be broad sweeping - zip code, clothing brands, country club, job, physical appearance, wealth, friend group, insert more gross things here - and suffice it to say, when we’re assessing stats, we ain’t sizing up Fruits of the Spirit. 

After the hard, healing convo we had where I finally repented and told the truth, God has changed my heart. Am I perfect? Far from it, but I’m now able to see how my own jealousy and selfishness completely blinded me to loving and celebrating my amazing sister well. 

If you’re not tracking on how wisdom and jealousy butt heads, how about a chart?!

The above is gleaned from the passage mentioned at the jump in James 3:13-17.

Jealousy and selfishness are demonic. Yoosh. They lead to disorder and evil of every kind.

Think about it: When we’re living in the trance of self, it warps our thoughts. We can’t tell up from down, and we’ll do just about anything to build ourselves up and make ourselves seem “right” or justified through lying to ourselves. And to top it all off, in all of our efforts of self-inflation, all it really ends up being is the exact opposite of wisdom.

We’ve all been there in some way or another, and just because we acknowledge this passage doesn’t mean it won’t happen again, so what do we do?

How do we turn from jealousy and selfishness?

We tell the truth! We turn Satan’s schemes for deceit on their head and admit our jealousy and selfishness. We confess it. We repent, and we cloak ourselves in God’s grace to receive His forgiveness. And we keep doing it! We keep heart-checking over and over again by looking to HIM as our standard.

God is the source of true wisdom! Because of this, wisdom leads to humility, an honorable life, and the ability to do good. It is pure, peace loving, gentle, willing to yield to others, merciful, sincere, and does not show favoritism. 

Father God, thank you! Thank you for being the source of wisdom. Thank you for imparting it to us when we seek to know You more. What a gift. God help us what YOUR wisdom more than our own earthly, selfish desires. Protect us from the enemy’s warping of our thoughts. Put our feet on paths to truth and wisdom - all through following you. God this isn’t easy or natural - we are selfish at our very core! - but God it is possible because of who you are and how much you love us. Thank you, Jesus! In your perfect name I pray, Amen.

Suggested Scripture for the week:

S/M: James 3:13

T: James 3:14

W: James 3:15

Th: James 3:16

F: James 3:17

S: Commit one of these to memory!