How disappointing.
5 minute read
School started back up after a long Christmas Break two weeks ago, so it’s like we’re reliving the start of Kindergarten in our house. Field gets in the car totally exhausted when I pick him up, and guess who his target is?
Ya girl.
Upon closing the door and smiling hello, right on cue it hits like a Swiss freight train …
Field: UGH MOM. What are we gonna DO today?
Me: Honestly it makes no difference what I say here. It could be totally positive and fun or totally boring and lame, and he will respond with some variation of disappointment…
Field: SERIOUSLY?! Noooooo. I don’t want to do that! UGH. Cecca! Stop looking at me! Mom, she won’t stop looking at me! (Tears and whiny voice ensue for the next 45 minutes to an hour).
A wise friend and neighbor told me it’s called “Restraint Collapse”, and it tends to happen to younger children who are new to full days and weeks at real school. After they’ve spent their whole day trying to follow the rules, hold their little tongues, pay attention and be good, they get to their safe space (which in Field’s case is our 10 year old Suburban littered with broken toy remnants and rogue fries) and they just… collapse.
So while there’s at least some explanation to his behavior, the result for Field is the same:
I’ve disappointed him. He can’t even put his finger on why, and he’s too young to understand that he’s exhausted, so instead, he simply sees mom’s response as the most disappointing thing he’s ever heard…
Err’day at 3pm.
While I want to clap back with, “BOY, don’t you dare disrespect me like this again” and well, confession, I’ve actually done that this week (not my proudest moment), most days I can sort of Pollyanna over it while gently reminding him that he’s not the center of the universe. (I never promised parenting advice here, people).
While I realize this is an extreme example, I think we can all agree we’ve been the Field in this scenario at some point or another (whether in a warranted situation or by starring in your very own Restraint Collapse film) and that’s because of this simple yet hard-to-swallow truth:
People will disappoint you… and you will disappoint people too.
It’s happened since the beginning of time!
Skipping forward a couple thousand years from the ultimate disappointment in the Garden of Eden, I’ve been reading through Hebrews which was written in approximately 70 A.D. The author is unknown (but I’m pretty sure it’s Paul based on the notes in my Bible), and he is very disappointed in the Hebrews.
He writes to Hebrew Christians (this means Jews who believe in Jesus) who are strongly considering reverting back to living under the law and thus not giving Jesus’s death and resurrection the LIFE-CHANGING credit it deserves. They are immature and their growth is stunted, and he tells them so in Hebrews 5:11:
There is so much more we would like to say about this, but it is difficult to explain, especially since you are spiritually dull and don’t seem to listen.
Zam. It’s sorta like he’s saying the parental rite-of-passage anthem to the wayward teen, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
Next he tells them they need to grow up spiritually, and then he tells them how. What a guy.
In Hebrews 6:9-12 it says:
Dear friends, even though we are talking this way, we really don’t believe it applies to you. We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.
Let’s unpack it.
First, he tells them he knows they’re made for more. Not the “more” that comes from the world, but the “more” that comes with growth in Christ (fruits of the Spirit, wisdom, eternal perspective, to name a few). He then reminds them God sees all, he’s fair, and everything we do will be accounted for. (This is not a hall pass to legalism btw - it’s simply a reminder to not grow tired of doing good!)
And then we get to the 2 for 1 special:
“He will not forget [...] how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.”
Do you see it? Do you see the 2 for 1?
We grow in Christ and in our walks by caring for and loving others… and guess what happens when we do this?
We are less likely to be disappointed by others and probably less likely to disappoint them!
Of course there is no guarantee here, and pleasing man should never be our goal, but what this means is in our God-given efforts to LOVE and CARE for others, we will GROW UP in Christ. AND. When the underlying goal of loving others is to honor God and to grow in our walks, it shifts focus off of self and onto God which in turn leaves a lot less room for disappointment!
WIN-WIN.
I think it’s interesting he mentions caring for other believers first. Confession: It’s easier for me to love believers, but DANG, no one disappoints me more. I feel like non-believers are held to a different standard, so it’s easier for me to let them off the hook, but when a fellow Christian does something gross, I ain’t got no grace to give. Anyone else feel me on this? Again though, this is when my focus is on self, not on Christ, who loves me over and over again when I FOR SURE give him every reason to cease-fire the unending grace.
Another confession: Loving and caring for people is easy for me when I’m in a good mood and life is comfortable, but like… that’s not everyday, much less every moment of every day.
Heck, 9/10 times the doorbell rings my first inclination is to hide behind the couch. (Anyone else? You’re my people.)
Even looking at it secularly, we live in a world that preaches love and tolerance everywhere you turn, and yet it’s so hard to love others well a lot of the time. Why is that?
I’ll tell you why: I want my agenda, my timeline, and most of all… I want the glory.
In our sermon notes last week it talked about the “temptation to be relevant” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Often my disappointment with others can come with an expectation (whether I’m aware of it or not) to be worshiped for loving them. I want to be relevant to their day! To their life! I want to be God!
Talk about setting yourself up for failure.
I think it’s also sometimes hard to love others because we think we need to be fully whole or well in order to do so. You’ve likely heard the phrase You can’t pour from an empty cup, and while I’m not the first person to say this, I’ll gladly jump on the very small, very rebellious bandwagon to tell whoever wrote this to SHUT UP.
We’re not entitled to a full cup. It doesn’t exist. Sure, do things that bring you joy! Celebrate small and large victories! But do not sacrifice loving another person well because you haven’t had your daily dose of self: your sauna, your workout, your pedicure, your whatever.
As I write this I’m so convicted of how often I put my family’s needs aside to “fill my cup” believing the lie I’m doing it in order to love them well.
Like what?!
Where in the Bible does it say to serve yourself first before you serve others?
I’ll wait.
Sure, don’t run yourself into the ground. Yes, take care of yourself and do those things that bring you restoration and joy, but without DEATH to SELF first and foremost, we won’t grow, and without spiritual growth… what’s the dang point of being here?
Stepping off of my soapbox with this:
People will disappoint us, and we will disappoint people. However, when the underlying goal of loving others is not even to bring them joy or to bring yourself joy but instead to honor God and in turn receive the gift He gives you of growth in your faith - Boom. It makes sense.
At the end of the day, and at the end of my life, the only One I don’t want to disappoint is Jesus. And even though this goal is lofty and bound to fail because I’m a broken sinner, with and only with Christ as my focus, the ultimate hope this side of heaven of becoming more and more like Him will come true.
This transformation into Christlikeness is not in an I’m like God! Worship me! way but rather in a John 3:30 He must increase, and I must decrease way.
The only way.
Period. The End.
Father God, you love is unfailing. You’re the only source that never runs dry, you’re the only One who can fill our cup! In fact, you overflow it! Let us remember this when we seek relevancy and approval. Let us remember this when we let others down. Forgive us for all those times we’ve put ourselves before you and before others. We know how this grieves you! Thank you for your forgiveness and and abundant grace. We need it! Will you please pull our hearts a little closer to yours this week, Lord? Holy Spirit, will you please gently nudge us when our focus starts to shift toward self? Will you please grant us the desire to decrease while You increase? In Jesus’s perfect name I pray, Amen.
Suggested Scripture for the Week:
S/M: Hebrews 1
T: Hebrews 2
W: Hebrews 3
Th: Hebrews 4
F: Hebrews 6
S: Hebrews 7