Taming the tongue... & fingers.

4.5 minute read

There was a girl named LaToia on my 7th grade basketball team. She was intimidating as can be, but once you got to know her, she was super fun. Our public middle school basketball team was decent at best, and within the team, we had 2 subteams - A1 and A2 - that alternated playing each quarter.

LaToia and I were not on the same subteam, so I typically watched her team play from the bench’s vantage point. During this particular game, we were losing, and you all know by now how I feel about that. 

LaToia was a point guard, she was super fast, and she was a super ball hog.

After several consecutive trips down the court with nary a pass, I said under my breath and simultaneously out loud, “LaToia needs to pass the dang ball.” 

I don’t recall if we won or lost that game, but I do recall that LaToia was M-A-D mad at me after the game. Whew. I was getting the stank eye of all stank eyes, and I started to fear I might find myself in a compromising position in our locker room if I didn’t iron this out - fast. 

If you haven’t deduced it by now, it turns out the teammate sitting next to me told LaToia what I said.

Was what I said true? Yes.

Should I have said it? Unclear.

Our pastor gave a sermon several years ago where he mentioned the THINK acronym. Before you say something, ask yourself:

Is what I’m about to say…

True

Helpful

Interesting

Necessary

Kind

Soo I guess if we take this fun-sucking acronym into account, I definitely shouldn’t have given my two cents on LaToia’s passing game.

Had I kept my thoughts to myself, this teammate wouldn’t have tattled on me, LaToia wouldn’t have death-stared me until I came groveling back apologizing, and an element of teammate trust wouldn’t have been broken.

I wish my 7th grade self had paid better attention to this scenario, but it appears I’ve still got some learning left to do. Just this week, I learned some lessons in keeping my dang mouth SHUT (and fingers clamped) because when we spit words that don’t do anyone any good, we end up worse off than we were.

Can you think of a time you rattled off a line about a friend, and it came back to bite you?

Can you think of a time when you couldn’t control your tongue (or fingers), threw the Holy Spirit’s promptings to the wind, and you had to circle back in shame and guilt and fix the mess you made?

What about a time when you chimed in on gossip in a group setting to connect or get a laugh?

I can think of about a million.

And in these million circumstances, more often than not, the motivation behind my word vomit is to connect, get a laugh, to be liked, to fill a silence or to subtly (or not-so-subtly) force my opinion on someone. While all of these are pretty normal/human/fleshly motivations, the slope is slippery, and it is never right to pump myself up (or fill a glorious silence - we have so few of these!!!!) at the expense of another.

This week in our small group, as we shared prayer requests, my precious friend Hannah said she needs prayer for the “taming of her tongue, to talk less and to listen more.” 

Just about every single one of us said, ME TOO, ME TOO! (And clearly it stuck with me - plz see title and subject of this post).

But why is it so hard? 

If I’m following this THINK acronym, I’m not sure I should ever speak because when is anything checking all these boxes? Maybe when I’m talking to a newborn? Or my dog? 

This is hard in mundane, daily convos, much less when there is hurt or anger or confusion at play. So what do we do? How do we still connect without murdering others with our tongue? (Yes, it’s committing murder in the heart when we speak ill of someone - see Matt 5:21-22).

I honestly don’t know the answer, but I do know I’m echoing my sweet friend’s prayer for the taming of my tongue -- for Him to sit on my tongue and clamp it down if I’m tempted to to be a babbling fool. 

The Proverbs have quite a bit to say about the subject: 

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. Prov 10:19

It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. Prov 11:12

With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous. Prov 11: 9

A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Prov 11:11

Wise words bring many benefits, and hard work brings rewards. Prov 12:14

An honest witness tells the truth; a false witness tells lies. Prov 12:17

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Prov 12:18

Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed. Prov 12:19

The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces. Prov 10:8

Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding, but those lacking sense will be beaten with a rod. Prov 10:13

Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster. Prov 10:14

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. Matthew 15:18

Talk less. Smile more. JK this is from Hamilton, but hey, it applies!

In sum, scripturally speaking, those who speak without thinking are called babbling fools, foolish, gossips, godless. To add insult to injury, what comes out of our mouths is an overflow of our hearts. 

Ouch. Particularly that last part.

On a positive note, we all can think of the people who hold their tongues. While it might be a bit annoying in a setting where the majority of the group has got the popcorn out ready to dish some gossip, I always walk away from interactions with people who withhold their tongues and think, “I wish I was more like that.” 

So… how can I be more like that? 

How can you?

Well first, we pray and confess our wayward tongue.We let His forgiveness wash over us, and we take the heart posture of a humble pupil who needs help from the Holy Spirit, OUR HELPER, to start to change the pattern. Then we utilize the Sword of the Spirit - God’s word when temptation comes. My plan is to commit one of these Proverbs to memory (I wish I could commit to more than one, but my brain capacity is scary low presently), and ask the Holy Spirit to circulate the verse through my thick head and stubborn heart in a situation where I’m tempted to blab.

I am also praying for a heart to earnestly seek heavenly wisdom above earthly affirmation. Because as I mentioned before, most of the time I’m blabbing, I’m looking to connect -- I’m looking to see who’s on my team. 

Surely God’s got some better ideas of how to accomplish this though, right? RIGHT! As with anything new, there’s a period of discomfort, but I’m willing to bet if we surrender the tongue to the Holy Spirit’s promptings, there will be fruit. 

Listen, I’m not saying we all need to sit around and stare at each other. I’m simply saying I personally need to swap the default conversation topic of complaint or grievance or gossip to something wise and worthy of sharing… or to simply listen.

Anyone else? :)

Father God, your grace knows no bounds. Your Word is full of wisdom and guidance - if we would only apply it! God, I confess the craving of earthly acceptance over your eternal acceptance. We already have the only friend we will ever need in Jesus! Your love and comfort are more than enough. Please help us remember this as we ask you to tame our tongues. Father, you tell us our words are an overflow of what is in our hearts. Oh God. This grieves me so greatly! Please, please let this be a turning point from old self patterns of the tongue and the heart. Let our desire to honor you far outweigh our desire for any approval here on earth. On our own, this is impossible, but with you, all things are possible! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

S/M: Proverbs 10

Have you ever fallen “flat on your face” because of your tongue? What did you learn from this moment(s)?

T: Proverbs 11

Do you believe it is sensible to keep quiet? Or do you think it’s too boring to be sensible?

W: Proverbs 12

Think of a person whose wisdom and words bring healing. Praise God for them! Maybe tell them!

Th: Matthew 5:21-22

Have you ever thought of your words against someone else as murderous? 

F: Matthew 15:18

Oy, this one hurts. Ask Him to reveal any stagnant or sticky places in your heart to help the overflow be one of joy and honor to Him!

S: Commit one of the verses from the chapters above to memory and try to apply it!