Whose Approval Are You Seeking?
4 minute reading time
Affirmation is my love language.
Tell me I did a good job or you like my outfit, and I’ll be yours forever. Lol. (But really).
While appreciating someone’s praise is not a bad thing, it can get ugly really quickly if it turns into something we seek.
Real life examples of this unpleasant lil’ habit of mine:
Just this past Thanksgiving week, I began the first couple days longing to be helpful. (I’m the eldest, and I’m pretty selfish, so this was a new leaf guys). Anyway, I wanted my mom and sister to affirm my efforts (which mostly consisted of me saying “I just really want to be helpful.” without much action), and when said efforts weren’t praised, I got snippy. Gross.
I create the content for the fabulous Restore + Revive, and my work-wife Melissa gets the brunt of my need for affirmation all too often. She’s fantastic and makes me better with her critiques, and while a lot of the time I welcome them (this is called maturity, and I have v little of it), other times I get pitiful or frustrated when a design isn’t quite right. Again, gross.
Maybe some women can relate to this one: You get dressed for a date, you’re lookin’ good, feelin’ good, your hair has day-after-you-washed-it volume and bounce, the heels are on for the first time since March. (Are you visualizing your outfit? K good). So you “casually” catwalk out of the bedroom and hold your breath for the damnnnnn! you look gooood as your husband glances your way to sing out, “Have the kids had dinner yet?” Womp, wommmp.
Mothers in law. Social Media. Your kids! I will not go into detail to protect the innocent, but I have a feeling most of you can relate to the looming desire to be affirmed here.
So what the heck do we do?
How do we appreciate the affirmation if it comes versus seek it out and ultimately feel less than when it doesn’t arrive?
In a sermon a while back, our pastor presented the idea of approaching life through the lens of adoring vs. being adored.
Adoring vs. Being Adored
What does this look like for you?
For me, this looks like a lot more joy and a lot less look at me. Taking the above examples, these scenarios completely shift when I’m adoring my family, my co-worker, my husband, my kids, friends, etc. rather than holding court in Maryclaytown, USA population 1, waiting to be adored. When we shift focus toward others, it takes the heat off of the pressure to perform and off of the little anger flame just begging to be lit.
Taking it a step further, what if we shift the adoration to Christ? If we communicate with Him our need for Him to help us adore Him, I bet you my bank account (all of my George Washingtons), He will shift our hearts to adore His children as an offset of first adoring Him.
Acts 14:8-18
In Acts 14, Paul and Barnabas take off on their first journey to preach the gospel through modern day Turkey. During one particular stop on their voyage, Paul cures a crippled man amidst a crowd by commanding him (by the power of the Holy Spirit), to “Stand up!”
And he stands!
(And the crowd goes wild!)
So wild in fact, they think Barnabas is Zeus and Paul is Hermes of Greek Mythology. They prepare wreaths of flowers, sacrifices, and a big ol’ party for who they believe to be Zeus and Hermes. They adore these guys. Worship them. Call them gods.
And you know what Paul and Barnabas do? They say, “Thank you very much! We are awesome, aren’t we?! Gosh, our love language is affirmation, and you guys really just hit the spot. Gimme that wreath, and pass the wine!”
Jk ;) This is what they really do:
“When the apostles Barnabas and Paul heard what was happening, they tore their clothing in dismay and ran out among the people, shouting, Friends, why are you doing this? We are merely human beings—just like you! We have come to bring you the Good News that you should turn from these worthless things and turn to the living God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them.” Acts 14:14-15
Mmhmm.
They tear their clothing in dismay. They turn the adoration off themselves and onto God. They stay the course and preach the Good News!
Goals, guys. GOALS.
So while we’re not Big P and Beezy (obviously), what can we do to apply this to daily life?
Adore vs. Being Adored. Pray to start each day 2 with this heart posture.
Ask for His help to adore Him over all3 as you do this!
Ask yourself, Whose approval am I seeking? if (and when) you get frustrated by lack of acclaim. If the answer is anyone’s but God’s… well… then… It ain’t gonna fulfill. Only His love never fails.4 Also, also, alsoooooo, we all fall short of the glory of God,5 but in His love while we were (and are) still sinners, He sent Christ to die for us.6 By Christ’s blood and by our belief in this, we are checkity-check-check APPROVED. For-ev-errrrr!!!
Stay the Course. This doesn’t mean do nothing all week only to tell your boss (the kids, your husband, your roommate) you’re pleasing God by resting. (Lol good idea though). This means persevering,7 do what is good,8 loving others,9 repenting,10 receiving and giving grace,11 and checking in with your real boss - God - to ask Him to realign your heart to His.12 Ask and you shall receive. Knock and he will answer!13
Abba Father, thank you for your unconditional love. You are the only one worthy of praise and admiration. You are on the throne. There is no one higher! God, in our flesh, we can really stink it up. We want to be adored. We want to be worshipped. We want to be you! Thank you for your Son Jesus who made all of this right. By His blood, we are forgiven of these ugly desires and we are seen as clean and worthy of your love everlasting. As we step out into this week, will you help us adore you first and others second? Will you soften the blows when affirmation or approval doesn’t swing our way by reminding us we’re wrapped up in your relentless love? We love you. Help us live like it! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.
Verses referenced herein for further study:
Acts 14:8-18
Psalm 5:3
Psalm 95:6
Psalm 136
Romans 3:23
Romans 5:8
James 1:2-4
Galatians 6:9
John 15:12
Acts 3:19
1 Peter 4:10
Psalm 51:10
Matthew 7:7