Will this ever end?
4 min read
I can see it plain as day… err night, rather. 2am to be exact. We were sitting in our living room in our first house together. This was the room Crawford dubbed “Grandma’s Cabin” because we were young marrieds (as Gemma likes to say ;), and our home, specifically the living room, was a collection of brown handed down from both sides of the family. Brown, wooden furniture with brown, wooden floors with highlights of needlepoint I couldn’t let go of because my Gigi made them accompanied our wedding china displayed in a dark red, almost brown, wooden cabinet.
Grandma’s Cabin.
Seated in the matching reddish brown club chairs passed down from Crawford’s grandmother, Crawford placed a glass of “brown” (aka bourbon for the prudes in the back) onto our brown, round coffee table as he said in surrender, “Alright, call them. We can’t do this anymore.”
I looked up at him through tear-stained eyes and then back down at our precious, newborn 4-week old baby boy named Field who simply would not sleep. I exhaled a huge sigh of relief because I was just granted permission to bring in the big guns, also known as Newborn Nightingales, also known as ANGELS ON EARTH, to help us get this baby sleeping.
The sleepless nights were going to end!
After 3 weeks of a consistent schedule and the hand holding I needed to give me confidence as a new mother, we were cooking with gas. (Can you say that about a baby?)
After asking “Will this ever end?” both to myself and aloud ad nauseam, the answer was finally yes.
Here’s the thing though, knowing friends who had just gone through this season would tell me it would end. He will eventually sleep, but I was in too deep. I was blinded by sleep-deprivation and the overwhelm that comes with a new baby, and I flat out did not believe them. That might be the case for you, but this in fact is the only baby in the history of the world that will not sleep at night. Ever. Thank you and good day.
Is there a waiting period where you’ve asked yourself over and over, “Will this ever end?” and no matter what anyone says it’s hard to believe it will?
Maybe it’s singleness, waiting to be engaged, trying to get pregnant, trying to get that baby to sleep ;), potty training (gonna go throw up now from PTSD), waiting on a career change, for the deal to come through, for an illness to heal, watching a child (even an adult one) struggle…
While in these waiting periods, we can fully convince ourselves they simply WILL.NOT.END. I don’t know about you, but when I’m not in the Word or I’m under attack or I get scared, I start to take it into my own hands. I get aggressive. I get angry. I get manipulative, possessive, and rigid trying to force what I want to happen into reality.
In sum, if there was a pendulum of inaction vs. overreaction in waiting periods, I 100% tend toward the overreaction side of its swing.
I recently read a quote by Christine Caine saying something along the lines of, “You don’t want to walk through any door God didn’t open.” Man. Isn’t that the truth? When I start pushing doors open and climbing through windows that are painted shut in my impatience, it ain’t pretty.
On the flip side, I don’t believe inaction is the right response to a waiting period either.
Prayer is an ACTION. Reading and studying God’s word every single day is an ACTION. Surrounding yourself with Godly community is an ACTION. Taking steps to “do the next right thing” a la Elsa is an ACTION. Being obedient is an ACTION.
These things are not always easy, and they often seem like they’re not enough in this “get yours!” world we live in, but while I can only speak for myself, there’s never been a moment when the other side of the waiting period hasn’t turned out better than I imagined.
Spoiler alert: If you can’t tell, I’m pep talking myself, and I’m pep talking Gup with this post. We are in a waiting period. It is not dire, but it is difficult.
Two weeks ago after the sermon, I asked Crawford if he wanted to go up to the front for prayer from our pastor. He said, “Nah, I’m ok.”
Being the submissive wife that I am, I said, “Ok, yeah no, we’re going. Walk.”
I don’t recall everything he prayed over us, but I do distinctly remember him asking for us to see the sweetness of this waiting.
I found this to be such a peace-giving (and grounding!) prayer, and since then, I can assure you this prayer has been answered hand over fist. It is so darn sweet amidst the struggle right now, I almost don’t want it to end! Jk I do Lord, I promise, but man it’s been sweet.
In Psalm 130, the Psalmist says:
Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
“My whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.”
That verse alone helps to set my feet back on solid ground when I start to jimmy locks on closed doors.
We will have waiting periods. This world is not home. It is not perfect, and it never will be. You know I just had a thought... maybe our trials here on earth of waiting are simply to discipline our hearts to wait for Jesus’s return? Maybe.
Whatever the reason, here are a few things that seem to help me right now in this waiting period. Maybe they’ll help you too!
Take Action, Not Overreaction
Get in the word! Pray! Ask for prayer! Do the next right thing, but don’t you dare go walking through a door you forced open on your own accord. How do you know the difference? Get in the word! Pray! Ask for prayer! ;)
See the Sweetness
This. This is exactly what Satan does NOT want you do, I know that much. His game is despair and discouragement - it ain’t delighting in the Lord. Look all around. See the pieces as they fall, not as one big blob. I promise there is sweetness to be seen!
Trust His Timing
It is always perfect. Period the end.
Father God, you are not a God of confusion. You are a God of order, and you are a God with a plan. The perfect plan. Within this perfect plan, you have all of your children’s lives scheduled according to your will before we even began to breathe. You know the hairs on our heads… how much more do you know exactly what we need and when we need it? Forgive us for our lack of trust Lord! Anytime we get discouraged or uneasy or start nosing around in corners where we don’t belong, it can likely be measure down to a lack of trust. Help us trust you Lord! For anyone in a season of waiting reading this: show them your sweetness. We ask for your timing and your will to be clear and obvious, and Father, while we wait, let us glorify your holy name. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.
Scripture suggestions for this week
S/M: 1 Peter 1
T: 1 Peter 2
W: 1 Peter 3
Th: 1 Peter 4
F: 1 Peter 5
S: 2 Peter 1-3
(I am on a Peter kick because we are watching The Chosen and I cannot help it, but the guy they cast as Peter (Simon) is so darn cute. The show is also wonderful! 10/10 recommend).